I always lie when I tell snow stories. You say you walked to school as a kid in two feet of snow. I say I walked in three feet of snow. Not only that–it was 20 degrees below zero. There were no bathrooms in sight, a lot of people around. I was pee-shy.
VACUUM SUCKS You know those little things in the carpet that try to hide? When you vacuum “hide and seek” becomes “hide and suck.” If you have a cheap vacuum, vacuuming becomes a hockey game. The goalie is under the mat. The cheaper the vacuum, the bigger the mat. As a kid I used to…
Walking Over Water Stick falls off oak tree in winter’s bare delight. Thin stick over deep water, chilled water. “Courage!” I say to my bare tingly toes.
When the blister wants to come out, there’s no stopping it. Walk too much–the blister can come out. Use your hands a lot–the blister will come out. “Me, Blister, I will travel.” Sit down a lot and see what happens. The end.
LEARNING TO CRAWL — When I was little, I liked crawling and was able to crawl really fast. All the big people towering over me kept trying to get me to walk and stand up. The only time I would stand up is when no one was around. Crawling was my favorite way to get…
Freckles, why did you have sex with the poodle next door? Poor puppies have beagle faces and poodle hairstyles. After the love affair of the poodle, your girlfriend was that St. Bernard. When the St. Bernard jumped on the gray, roughened, falling-down fence, it shook like an earthquake. Freckles came running on all four paws…
I was in my boxers enjoying my box turtle while eating my box lunch before the big boxing match on TV. But there was this old TV show “Let’s Make a Deal” and I wanted to know what was in box number 1. Imagine somebody took away the computers, pens and pencils. The only writing…
“I was pee-shy” says volumes, pegs the age, and gives me a strong image.